“Until you settle your identity, you will live in leadership insecurity.”

Just thirty minutes before midnight on April 14, 1912, in the frigid North Atlantic, the RMS Titanic grazed an iceberg. Chips of ice tumbled to the deck, but caused no concern. They had missed it — or so they thought. The hidden mass of that iceberg ripped a 300 foot gash below the waterline. In less than three hours the “unsinkable ship” was charting a new course to the bottom of the ocean. And while official numbers vary, more than 1500 people lost their lives.

Like the iceberg, there is a lot more to a leader’s life than what people see. And it is the “hidden person” that will ultimately make or break the leader. This post is about strengthening that “hidden part.”

We have all heard the adage, “Leadership is influence, nothing more and nothing less.” While I appreciate the succinct simplicity of that statement, leadership is actually much more complicated than that.

Recently, I had the opportunity to address a group of young leaders. These students, all sophomores and juniors in high school, participated in a leadership forum at Lancaster Bible College | Capital Seminary & Graduate School. What a treat . . . for me!

In an attempt to lay a foundation for my talk, “The Most Important Word In Leadership,” I shared with them my leadership frame, building it piece-by-piece right up to the finished image which you see below. I wanted the students to understand that leadership is complex; that more goes on behind the scenes—often privately—than what people see publicly. I also wanted them to understand that, like the steel girders bracing a skyscraper, the hidden part of who they are forms the foundation of their leadership.

Then I asked the students to take a little post-it-note we had provided at their seats and write ONE WORD, the single word each of them felt was the most important word in leadership. I gave them 60 seconds to write the word and then post it to the white board at the front of the room. Look closely at the white board in the first picture above and you will see the fruit of their efforts.

What a fascinating exercise. As one might expect, some words appeared more than once, but generally the words they wrote were varied. That’s understandable. It’s hard — maybe impossible — to isolate just one word as “most important.”

Why not put yourself in their shoes? Go ahead, give it a shot. Before reading further, complete the sentence below by jotting down what you think is the most important word in leadership.

The most important word in leadership is ______________.

I believe the most important word in leadership is "identity.” As I will say again in this post, until you settle your identity, you will live in leadership insecurity. On the other hand, the more you rest in your inherited identity, the more you will lead from security.

Hang with me!

By itself, “identity” is a pretty nebulous word, so let’s look closer at what it means, what it means for each of us as leaders, and how we tend to it in ways that contribute to a healthy, happy, secure leader — no matter the challenges one encounters.

What is Identity?

Identity gets to the core of leadership because identity gets to the core of who we are. Identity is personal, psychological, even spiritual — and usually it is operating “under the radar,” that is, it is influencing how we think and feel and react, how we view ourselves and others — though generally we are not giving it a second thought. Psychology Today describes identity this way:

Identity encompasses the memories, experiences, relationships, and values that create one’s sense of self. This amalgamation creates a steady sense of who one is over time, even as new facets are developed and incorporated into one's identity.

An illustration from the world of sports

Let me illustrate “identity” from the world of sports. When the Lakers won the NBA Championship in 2020, LeBron James, their undisputed superstar, said,

“We just want our respect. Rob [Pelinka, Lakers general manager] wants his respect, coach [Frank] Vogel wanted his respect, our organization want their respect, Laker Nation want their respect and I want my damn respect too. ”

While one cannot deny the desire to win, why is “respect” so closely tied to that championship ring? I suggest it has to do with the desire (the need?) to be identified as CHAMPION, “a sense of who one is over time” to quote Psychology Today. Is LeBron or Coach or Laker Nation any less “okay” because they do or do not win the championship? Certainly, some accoutrements accompany the appellation of “champion” — the applause, the cap, the banner, the money, the parade, the endorsements . . . the respect, but all that respect fades over time. And who am I if I strive valiantly, but come up short?

Those who need their identity validated by someone or something will be chasing the elusive pot of gold at the end of the proverbial rainbow. Even if they catch it, the applause is always fleeting.

This analysis is not meant as a knock on LeBron, without question among the greatest of the great NBA players of all time. In fact, LeBron’s “respect” is another’s title or zip code or business card or bank account or fashion statement or automobile or any one of a number of things — external to us — that give us a sense of having arrived, being okay, or garnishing respect.

An illustration from prison

The Apostle Paul comes to mind when I think of identity. Paul understood his identity — who he was at his core, i.e. what made him “okay.” Paul, ardent ambassador for Jesus, was languishing in a Roman jail cell. Instead of preaching Christ, he was suffering for Christ. No worries, others would take his place sharing the good news. His enemies, however, attempting to “one-up” and humiliate him, preached Christ with all the fervor of a Billy Graham Crusade; unfortunately, not to reach people, but to gall Paul. Paul saw through their charade. It did not bother him at all. Notice what he says to his friends:

It is true that some preach Christ out of envy and rivalry, but others out of goodwill. The latter do so out of love, knowing that I am put here for the defense of the gospel. The former preach Christ out of selfish ambition, not sincerely, supposing that they can stir up trouble for me while I am in chains. But what does it matter? The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached. And because of this I rejoice. Yes, and I will continue to rejoice. Philippians 1:15-18 NIV

Paul asks, “But what does it matter?” Those five words translate a tiny Greek phrase, which could be translated loosely as “Who cares?” “So what?” “Big deal!” Wait a minute! Paul, did you lose all sense of concern? No, it wasn’t that at all. What follows in that passage tells us all we need to know about what drove Paul and where he found his sense of “okay-ness.” He writes:

The important thing is that in every way, whether from false motives or true, Christ is preached.

Paul did not really care whether or not he got respect, but he cared a great deal that Christ got the respect he deserves and that HIS message went out — even if no one ever thought of Paul again. Paul’s identity was not who he was, but who he was as one aligned with Christ. Paul gives us more of the same when he writes in other places:

Paul, a servant of Christ (Romans 1:1)
For to me to live is Christ (Philippians 1:21)
When Christ who is our life appears (Colossians 3:4)
Paul, an apostle of Christ (1 Timothy 1:1)

Paul’s identity — his sense of respect and okay-ness was intimately tied to Jesus. Respect or no respect . . . it didn’t matter, because it wasn’t about Paul. Did he want to do his best? Absolutely. He was a brilliant academic, a speaker well-versed in debate, a world-traveler, a leader in the Jesus movement, and a man who left a string of writings that have set the stage for Christendom for centuries. That said, at the beginning of the day and at the end of the day, it was Christ who made Paul okay. This is the message of the gospel and one of the most foundational aspects of Christian leadership.

Thinking theologically about identity

There is much talk about gospel-centeredness today. I think the phrase over-used, but important. Gospel-centered leaders operate from an identity (okayness) that is granted, not earned. They understand that no championship ring, C-Suite office, six-or-seven-figure salary, fancy title, “legacy” or public acclaim impresses God.

Does he love me? Absolutely! Does praise by my peers mean anything to him? Absolutely not! Do my achievements win me favor in his eyes? Nope! He gives me life. He gives me breath. He gives me everything (Acts 17:25). I, on the other hand, specialize in self-sufficiency and self-centeredness; in short, in walking away from God (Romans 3:23) and incurring his wrath (Ephesians 2:3). It is God who came running after me (not me running after him). He did this to secure my rescue; Jesus — the sinless one, the perfect one — dying in my place to appease God’s wrath and give me life with God, living hope today and a future beyond the grave. I call this “the best life!”

I’m a guy with a Ph.D. in leadership and cannot express too strongly how significant this theological truth is to effective leadership. Leaders are constantly encouraging people, groups, and organizations to move from “here to there,” to pursue good ends, to serve people in need, to make the world a better place. They are a striving bunch, a hard-working cohort, a tireless team who are constantly measured and measuring. Leaders want to perform well. They are passionate in their pursuits. They are unrelenting in the causes they serve. But it is just that effort — very good effort I might add — that can leave them feeling “less-than” when they fail or fail to achieve all they intend or come up short or simply have a bad day.

“My “okayness” is granted, not earned.”

If, however, my essential identity is that of a greatly loved child of the Father, one whom he broke into this world to rescue — not because of my good work, but in spite of all my “bad work” and if this work is his work and not my work then truly, I am more secure than a pound of gold in Fort Knox. Paul writes,

31 What, then, are we to say about these things? If God is for us, who is against us? 32 He did not even spare his own Son but gave him up for us all. How will he not also with him grant us everything? 33 Who can bring an accusation against God’s elect? God is the one who justifies. 34 Who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is the one who died, but even more, has been raised; he also is at the right hand of God and intercedes for us. 35 Who can separate us from the love of Christ? Can affliction or distress or persecution or famine or nakedness or danger or sword? Romans 8:31-35 CSB

Leading from that secure place as a loved child of God, rather than one who must win the respect of others is particularly freeing. Do I want to do better? Sure! Does God love me any more or any less if I excel marvelously or screw-up royally? No, he does not. “Nothing can separate us from God’s love” (Romans 8:39).

Time to self-assess:

How about it? Are you more LeBron or Paul, are you more driven by respect or driven by the One you respect? Are you okay because of what you do or what has been done for you? The way you answer makes a huge difference.

Now let’s turn our thoughts to the freedom that comes when our identity is tied — not to our respect — but to Christ’s work.

Leading from Security

More days than not, leadership is an uphill climb. There is more criticism than applause, more challenges than championships, more woes than wins. It is a nitty-gritty effort that often goes unnoticed. In contrast to the 2020 champion, I remember a very effective leader I interviewed years ago. About his work, he said, “My fingerprints are on everything, my name is on nothing, and I’m okay with that!” That is a leader secure in his identity. Let me highlight four benefits that come to those who lead from an identity secure in Christ. Leading from security:

1. Protects us from unhealthy ambition.

My nephew is a rock star. Really! Anthony Kiedis, lead singer for the Red Hot Chili Peppers is in the Rock & Roll Hall of Fame and has his star on the Hollywood Walk of Fame. Not surprisingly, when I google my name, “Tommy Kiedis,” his picture pops up. Go ahead, try it. It is rather humorous.

I know me well enough to know that in an earlier day, were someone other than me to receive credit, appreciation, recognition, or publicity for an act I performed, I would be more than a little miffed. I wouldn’t show it — the lid would be “on the pot” so-to-speak, but underneath the lid (my quiet calm), I might be simmering, maybe even boiling.

Paul’s leadership has helped me here. Paul understood that everything comes from God. “What do you have that you have not received?” Paul asked the Corinthian church (1 Corinthians 4:7). The obvious answer is “N-O-T-H-I-N-G.” In another place, Paul writes, “For from him and through him and to him are all things. To him be the glory forever” (Romans 11:36). Everything is from him and returns to him. Quoting Rick Warren in one of the best-selling books of all time, “It’s not about you!”

“IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. The purpose of your life is far greater than your own personal fulfillment, your peace of mind, or even your happiness. It’s far greater than your family, your career, or even your wildest dreams and ambitions. If you want to know why you were placed on this planet, you must begin with God. You were born by his purpose and for his purpose.”

Even after quoting Rick Warren, I can stand back and say, “Why does his book sell 35 million copies?” And it is as if God whispers, “It doesn’t matter! It’s not about you! Your okay-ness is not found in comparison of your work to others, but in Christ’s work for you. Relax.”

2. Frees us to learn from criticism

If there is one thing that is as sure as the sunrise, it is that leaders will be criticized. This truth came home to me early on through sports. When our boys were younger, I coached a lot of baseball. I spent hours and days and months and years on the baseball diamond. I loved the game, the players, the practices, and especially the competition. I was the manager, which means I called the shots. There was a lot of joy in leading the team, but one thing I learned is that no matter the amount of careful strategizing — pitching choices, batting order, player positioning, game-time decisions — I noticed there was always a dad or two or three standing farther down the field of play evaluating and second-guessing my decisions. I got used to it. Criticism is part of the game.

To lead is to invite criticism. It doesn’t matter if you are coaching baseball or running a Fortune 500 corporation, there are always people to tell you how you can or “could have” or “should have” done it better. Zig Ziglar was right, “Some people find fault like there is a reward for it.”

“Some people find fault like there is a reward for it.”

— Zig Ziglar

Whether the criticism which comes our way is well-intended, well-deserved, or mis-directed, a secure leader embraces it. Here’s why. If my okayness comes from belonging to Christ, then I can embrace anything that comes my way, especially, if it is going to help me lead better for him! If the criticism is unfounded, God will take care of that.

Dawson Trotman was the founder of The Navigators, an organization committed to discipleship, that is to know Christ, make him known, and help others do the same. Trotman said whenever he received some criticism he would take and lay it out before God. Then he would pray, “Lord, help me see the kernel of truth in this criticism.” That line has served me well for years, but it becomes more than a helpful adage when my motivation is not simply, “Let’s learn a helpful technique for handling criticism,” but a means to lead better to bring God my best; because my best is a “thank you” for all he has done for me and entrusted to me.

3. Helps us enjoy times of restoration.

Leaders need to rest. That can be difficult. At times I have burned the candle at both ends out of sheer delight for my work and a desire to serve well in the leadership role given me. There are times, however, when I keep pushing — when I fail to rest — because I am concerned about what others might think of me if I slow down. Perish the thought if they see me enjoying myself when they are working. What would they think? Such an attitude is symptomatic of an insecure leader. A secure leader hears what God says,

It is in vain that you rise up early
and go late to rest,
eating the bread of anxious toil;
for he gives to his beloved sleep.

Psalm 127:2 ESV

Of course, I am not talking about dodging hard work, or the times we have to push it to get the job done. Paul had those times himself (2 Corinthians 11:24-29). I am talking about our inability or unwillingness to take times to rest because we are afraid of what others might think, or how we might be perceived. Secure leaders rest, they enjoy times away from work, they take vacations and create margins — and do so unapologetically — because they understand the God they serve did not mean for them to burn the candle at both ends. They know that it is his work — not their work — that makes them okay!

4. Strengthens us for confrontation

Conflict happens. Relationships break down. Good people do poor work. We offend others. They offend us. We’re victims of microaggressions. We act poorly. We blow it royally. Each of these situations and a hundred others can lead to confrontation. In fact, they should lead to confrontation.

Jesus said, “If your brother or sister sins against you, rebuke them; and if they repent, forgive them” (Luke 17:3). Jesus is telling his followers to confront problems. This is what leaders do . . . except when they don’t. And at times, we don’t confront for fear of what the other (often a co-worker or close friend) may think of us:

“But I’ll lose their friendship!”
“They will hold a grudge.”
“We’ll lose their support.”

Maybe! Maybe not. Leaders secure in their identity in Christ, are okay with confronting people and problems because ultimately they don’t need the other person’s approbation to continue their work. Let’s be clear. They are not casually tossing aside the person or the problem with a flippant, “I don’t give a rip!” But neither will they let the fear of losing the relationship keep them from doing what is best for the relationship and the team or group or neighborhood or organization they serve. It’s not that I relish the thought of what I might lose in this confrontation, but rather the thought of what I have (security in Christ) and what he has called me to do to represent him well. My security in Christ and my desire to please him trumps my insecurity and fear of “losing you” or “incurring your disapproval.”

Confrontation is not condemnation, nor it is taken with glee and delight for the purpose of making one squirm. No, it is always for restitution and restoration of effective work and relationships. Secure leaders understand this. They do the uncomfortable work of confrontation to experience the benefits it can bring.

Strengthening your Identity

All this talk of security and identity sounds well enough, but all it takes is one bad day at the office, one very uncomfortable phone call with an angry customer, one poor night’s sleep to make us cringe and cower. That’s why we need a strategy for continually grounding our identity in Christ. This is an important leadership task — and it is “my job.”

Whose Job Is It?

Leadership theorists are right in step with God as most recognize that “it’s my job” to maintain my leadership morale.

"The more senior you become as a leader, the more you have to manage your own morale." Admiral Thad Allen, Commandant of the U.S. Coast Guard
Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it. Proverbs 4:23
Keep watch over yourselves and all the flock of which the Holy Spirit has made you overseers. Be shepherds of the church of God, which he bought with his own blood. Acts 20:28
“Every man over forty years old is responsible for his face.” Edwin M. Stanton was the Secretary of War for Abraham Lincoln
Watch your life and doctrine closely. Persevere in them, because if you do, you will save both yourself and your hearers. 1 Timothy 4:16
We are in a certain sense our own tools and therefore must keep ourselves in order. Charles Spurgeon

What keeps our identity anchored to Christ?

If it is “my job” to stay connected, to properly anchor my identity, how do I do it?

Remember the “Twin Truths” of life on the Vine
David Nicholas, my predecessor when I served as Senior Pastor at Spanish River Church in Boca Raton, Florida reminded me of the twin truths of life on the vine: “Tommy, Jesus said, I am the vine you are the branches, apart from me, you can do nothing (John 15:5). On the other hand, Paul reminds through his letter to friends in Philippi, ‘with Christ you can do everything’ (Philippians 4:13). The secret is not my strength, but his.” The secret is staying connected to the Vine by prayer, by time in his word, and in time spent with his family.
Learn to “preach to yourself”
Most see preaching the pastor’s job and a “Sunday thing.” In reality, the psalmist makes it clear that it is everyone’s job — and a “daily thing.” In Psalm 42:5,11 and Psalm 43:5, the discouraged and dejected singer of God grabs himself by the lapels and “preaches to himself.” “Why, my soul, are you downcast? Why so disturbed within me? Put your hope in God!” Remembering and living in the reality of my identity in Christ can easily fail when pressures mount, plans go south, criticisms fly, and life keeps zipping along. I must be relentless in preaching that essential truth to myself — “Remember to whom you belong! It’s not all that stuff that makes you okay. It is Christ!”
Embrace Müller’s Secret
George Müller cared for 10,000 orphans during his life, but never asked anyone for support to care for him. He determined that he must trust God fully. I see Müller both as a man with a thousand cares and not a care in the world. In 1856 he wrote a little pamphlet, Soul Nourishment. He begins an entry with these words:
It has pleased the Lord to teach me a truth, the benefit of which I have not lost, for more than fourteen years. The point is this: I saw more clearly than ever that the first great and primary business to which I ought to attend every day was, to have my soul happy in the Lord.”
The first few times I read those words, I looked at them as a simplistic Sunday School admonition. Not anymore! Müller’s encouragement is simple, but not simplistic. My days are continually enriched and encouraged by “simply” beginning the day with God — unhurried and open to what he has to say to me through his Word. I use this five-day reading plan to work my way through the Scriptures. It has proved very beneficial. For more help in getting started with this practice of soul nourishment, I would recommend a devotional resource I wrote entitled, The Journey.
Enjoy God’s gift of community.
We are not meant to go it alone. Relationships are one of God’s great gifts. This proverb holds true: “If you want to go fast, go alone. If you want to go far, go together.” Two are better than one. Encouragement, help, laughter, prayer, counsel, empathy, and joy are gifts that await those who walk together.

The most important word . . .

Perhaps “identity” is not your most important word in leadership. Regardless if it is or is not, anchoring your identity (okayness) to Christ brings clarity, strength for the journey, a cohort of like-minded travelers, peace of mind, and a rest for the soul. Leadership is a great work and a work made better when the leader’s identity is anchored to Christ.

Notes:

Titanic data from “Titanic” at www.history.com. Accessed March 8, 2022.
“Identity encompasses the memories, experiences . . . “ from “Identity” in www.psychologytoday.com. Accessed April 27, 2022.
“We just want our respect. . . “ from Sporting News, October 12, 2020.
“The first great and primary business . . .” from George Müller, “Soul Care First”
“What do you have that you have not received?” from Paul’s letter to the Corinthians, chapter 4, verse 7.
“IT’S NOT ABOUT YOU. . .” from The Purpose Drive Life: What On Earth Am I Here For? 10th Anniversary Edition. Grand Rapids: Zondervan. 2013, p. 21.
"The more senior you become as a leader . . .” from D. Michael Lindsay, "The 'accidental admiral' is our best hope in the gulf." In "On Leadership" in the Washinton Post, May 25, 2010. www.washingtonpost/leaders/panelist//2010/05/the-accidental-admiral.html. Accessed September 16, 2012. Admiral Thad W. Allen served as the 23rd Commandant of the U.S. Coast Guard from 2006-2010.
“Every man over forty years old is responsible for his face” from Youth’s Companion (The Face At Forty. The Youth’s Companion (1827 − 1929). Vol 97, Issue 41. Boston: American Periodical Series II. October 11, 1923. I am grateful to Ryan Ross for helping to track down this source.